Monday, November 29, 2010

More Moneys

Look! I win! I haven't really posted anything since August! And before that, June! I am so awesome! I win! I win! I win!


OK. Maybe "win" is too strong a word.

It has been a rough couple of months. And it is all in my head. I went into summertime thinking, "Everything's cool, I don't hate my job, I have health insurance, I am going to get in shape, I am going to hike more, I am going to become internet famous, oh, and I am totally going to get a raise at work. Have you SEEN how awesome a job I do?"

So... No. None of that.

And while I didn't exactly EXPECT all of those things, I really really wanted them. Or, some of them. OK. The money part. I wanted a raise. And I kind of got one. It almost covers the increase in my health insurance rate at work from last year (but not this year), so I am almost making as much money as I did a year ago until January 1st, when I make less again.

Basically, I want more money, but I want to work... less.

The best way to do that would be to get a raise, and then not work at work because no one is here to see what I am doing. My boss is in Cali-FORN-ia. He'll never know. Probably.

But that's the problem with high expectations... I end up being disappointed when things just don't work out how I dream they could be.

And I have to work hard, and not get much in the way of compensation.

And I have to work hard.

And I have to work hard. DAMN. That's really the rub. I wouldn't mind making less money, if they didn't make me work so hard all the time. And if I didn't have to pretend to care.

So anyway, I hatched a CUNNING SCHEME to make more money. But then I forgot it. Or didn't do it because I was lazy. Or kinda thought about doing it, but, you know, didn't. Pretty much how all of my projects go these days.

But... since no one will just give me money for no reason, I have decided to sell some stuff I found. Don't you wish you could find some awesome stuff like this?


It's a CLASSIC CAR! Sort of. You could fix it up! As a hobby!

Only $6,000!!! (You must be willing to tow... also, to cut down the tree that is growing through it).***


Classic Log Cabin in the Woods! Only needs slight renovation!

As an added bonus, it has a floor!

This house MUST GO. I'm willing to part with it for the INSANE price of only $25,000! Don't miss this opportunity of a lifetime!***


*** I don't actually own any of this stuff, but it's on public land, and since I am a member of the public, I should be able to sell it, right? Yeah? Well you're just jealous you didn't think of it first.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

I'm a Quitter!

Today I am working on not thinking about one thing. I am doing this by trying to fill up my brain and thinking about other things.

So far, it only works kind of.

OK. So. Deep breath. I should just spit it out. Get it over with. Maybe it's a little shameful.


For some fucked up reason I can't even fucking identify, I decided to give up my very favorite hobby of all time. I quit smoking.

I feel a little bit like I have murdered a childhood friend. Sure, my buddy hated me and I hated him, and he was killing me slowly, with my permission, and he took and took and took money from me, and every time I tried to do other things I love like hiking and running and biking and that kind of thing, he would get in the way, that jealous bastard, and even now, he whispers to me, "it'll be different, this time, I promise," and I want to believe him even thought I freaking KNOW he's lying, the coward, bastard...



A few weeks ago, I gave up drinking soda, as my diet Mountain Dew habit was getting silly. A couple weeks later, I started working towards being a vegetarian. Fuck all that. I am drinking a Mountain Dew AND a beer, and thinking about eating some freaking BEEF tonight... But I am not smoking.

I reached the point where I have been smoking for half of my life. 17 freaking years.

So. Sorry I can't be too funny, today.

On the plus side, I may be posting more, as a way of distracting myself so I don't resurrect Mr. Smoking Habit.